About two hours ago, the boxes I had shipped from New York finally arrived. The entire hassle was such a headache with additional costs and was such a logistical nightmare that I doubt I would have gone through with the shipment had I had known in advance.

Suffice to say however, I am glad to have everything here and in one piece. My new apartment (now full of my “stuff”) feels actually like home. I have plans to install shelves and maybe get another chair, but other than that, I have everything that I need. Especially my Ralph Lauren shoes which I have been pining over (as superficial and girly as that sounds.)

Since moving back to Jetsonville, I’ve had a bit of a culture shock. On one hand, it’s the people. This place where I grew up, where I’m not Asian enough for the locals and too Asian for the Westerners. Most of the time, it’s a real joy to be part of the Third Culture community, and other times it’s a bit of a frustration (like during interviews in a language where I can converse but am not wildly fluent in.) More than anything else, the greatest shock I have experienced is the slowing down of my life. I am used to everything going at mach 10. I’m not used to waking up and not being expected somewhere. I have learned to keep myself occupied, but feel like all this free time is more of a burden than relaxation.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve also realized that my biggest enemy is myself. I keep getting interviews and offers, but at firms that I don’t want to be at or positions where I know I am over qualified. The firms that I do want, I am too paralyzed to apply for (or rather, just don’t) for whatever excuse I happen to be giving myself that particular day.

I have two upcoming prospects – both top tier management consulting firms (via referral, which I think is the only reason why they’re bothering to look at my CV.) If I get either of these positions, I will be spending the next year and a half jet-setting across Asia, meeting with senior managements of firms across various industries. If I get either of these firms (and manage a good LSAT), Harvard might as well throw open the doors for me right now – because these firms are just that well respected.

When I look at myself versus my friends from high school, the ones that did best were not the ones with the best plan, the best background but they were just persistent. I am a terrific planner. The Chinese government may as well hire me to set the next 5-year plan. But the truth is, I seem to be lacking in the follow-through phase. Sometimes the potential that everyone keeps telling you that you have is more intimidating than the challenges that you actually face. I am in my early twenties. This is supposed to be the make-or-break period in my life. Whether I actually live up to what everyone says I have (and could do with) is a fear that I struggle with.

So this entry is my somewhat (timid) resolution to claim all the things that I want for myself in the next year. Namely, a job that I love. And more importantly bright future.