New Changes

I tend to disappear for longer durations now, don’t I? Mostly because life has gotten incredibly busy lately, and a variety of other factors playing in.

However, here’s the low down: I’m traveling to Nepal in less than 2 weeks, to photograph a Tibetan refugee camp. To say that I’m excited is an understatement. I should probably also mention that I’m even more nervous than I am excited. We are trying to make our way to Mt. Everest’s base camp as well. To think that just a year out of college and Everest is actually within one of the things I’m considering, is well.. pretty out of the world for this little girl.

Even more exciting is I’m traveling with a decent sized-kit this trip. In the past, I’ve always made do with my F80 and little 28-80mm lens, but I’ve invested in a brand new flash (after months of agony and oggling), and a friends has been incredibly generous and lent me a D100 and a sweet sweet lens. If you don’t speak photoGeek, it’s a good-sized kit for just about anyone. Lots of versatility to be had. Particularly if you’re a bit nutty such as myself.

I am also traveling to Brazil in May. Long story, but we just decided last night. Again, I am ridiculously thrilled at the opportunity. We’re expecting something along the lines of Costa Rica last year – lots of adventure, climbing, and off the beaten track. I.Can’t.WAIT.

But most importantly, I’ve made an investment and finally bought a domain. This isn’t going to be a reprise of previous writings etc. But it’s going to be photography oriented, with one section as a showcase/portfolio of my projects, and a photoblog. Now that i’m working full time, free time is such a treasured resource – stretched over far too many commitments.

So. if any one’s interested in checking the new place out, leave a message/email. I’m keeping it to a select few for now because it’s still under wraps.

one fell swoop

I have never been one for amputating people out of my life. However much a relationship has atrophied, or whatever damage it causes to the rest of me, they remain attached to me – a disease-ridden lifeless stump.

It is a strange relationship that I have towards them. More grounded in a stubborn optimism than in reality. A detached belief that a one-way, un-reciprocated relationship, is still a relationship, and that somehow through sheer force of will, I can make something unhealthy whole again.

I have tried to make things platonic when even a stranger would recognize that it wasn’t. I have extended loyalties that would be gladly accepted but never returned. And I have given and invested of myself in what in today’s economic age we would call “sub-prime.”

The process of growing up, is in many ways like coming out of a thick fog. When looking back you realize much of the things you saw were in your imagination. The way the “scary” scenes in a Disney movie can be terrifying as a child and looks so utterly harmless when you’re an adult. Maybe it’s because we slowly acquire the capacity to process our surroundings, and it’s the unknown that is what is so frightening. We’re only afraid because we don’t understand.

Coming “out of the fog” I am still struggling to understand some of the things that have happened in my life. And in the process, I realize how much baggage I insist on carrying. And in one fell swoop, they seem to be falling away – all in the span of a mere few weeks.

The is the prince you kiss, and realize it’s really a toad. Coming to a realize that not all friendships are made to endure. That even if everything comes out in the open, it doesn’t mean things need to go back to the way they were. And if it doesn’t – that’s okay too. That there also comes a time to lay down the line with anyone that tries to dictate your life – and yes, even parents have manipulative and unstable tendencies.

In the course of this month, I have had my heart broken more times than I care to count – but perhaps the miracle is that there always seems to be a piece left – however small to re-grow.

This month I’ve learned that I need to start listening to myself. That I can’t keep punishing my body the way I’ve been doing – the excessive stress, the strain of constantly being hurt, and overcoming obstacles is not always about sheer willpower. Sometimes how smoothly and unfrazzled you wind up, can be equally as important as surviving the thing altogether.

I’ve also learned that resentment really is like drinking arsenic and waiting for the person you’re angry with to suffer. That sometimes silence is not only a more appropriate but more potent response. That people need to earn and maintain a reason to stay in your life, and shouldn’t always be excused.

In one fell swoop, I have swept up the bad, the hurtful and the bitter up in a cloud of debris. The changes don’t feel quite right – but one of these days, it will.

Wonder Boy

This is the boy who taught me the meaning of wonder. Who put it in my eyes, formed the expressions in my features and draped it over my skin in a cascade of rose petals. An image he tells me, which is seared in his mind.

This is the boy who embodies the leap of faith. Who takes a chance, or two, or twelve. In moving to a new city or flying to live in a new continent for six months, for the sake of a prize that may or may not be worth it. His actions speak louder than words, and those loved by him never have to doubt it.

This is the boy whose very soul must be filled with magic, the kind that most people eventually grow out of after too many disappointments. He is adventure, excitement, joy, and the next horizon.

This is the boy who told me “let me show you how you’re meant to be treated” and kept his word. Who said “You were meant for greatness” who not only meant it, but made me believe it.

This is the kind of boy you spend a lifetime hoping you meet, who you save your kisses, your hopes, and the last cookie for. And this is precisely the boy I am afraid I will never quite get over.

recap

For the past several days, I have been in the Middle Kingdom. Hangzhou, specifically. Why, you ask? For my very first business trip with the Firm. While I was in college, I was incredibly fortunate to have had some great work experiences, including international travel for business purposes. But I have never been on a trip quite like this one. It was the New Consultant Orientation, (NCO) for short and they flew in 50 new recruits from seven countries and four regions for 3 days of boot camp. Suffice to say, it was utter madness. Try to imagine college, but on crack. Replace dorm rooms and cafeteria food with 5-star hotels and buffets almost at every meal. And an expense account. As nervous as I was about the trip, it turned out to be an incredible few days. Meeting counterparts from different countries, hearing about their projects and the incredible scope of what our firm actually does. Sixty years ago we designed the strategic plan for post-war restoration for a major European country, which today is a powerhouse in the EU. I met the head of our Financial Services practice who, for the last 10 years, has been redesigning central banks for South East Asia. That.Just.Blows.My.Mind. I think one of the most gratifying parts of my job is that I really feel like I add value to the world. Standing on this side of the job hunt, I’m so glad I didn’t go into Finance. It’s just not the right place for me. As my friends in the industry say, it really is a circular business. Money begets money. But in our line of work, our products are literally our ideas.. and that is just so cool to me.

So clearly, I’m bubbling with that kind of bright-eyed, bushy-tailed enthusiasm of freshmen. But I really don’t care. A few months ago, I had very little ideas on where I might wind up, and the job hunt seemed endless. I’m incredibly thankful not only because I have a means of supporting myself, but I’m part of an overall team whose leadership I believe in and am eager to follow. The partners are men and women if great integrity, vision and a sense of humor. There is such a culture of mentorship and down-to-earth-ness. I could not have created or imagined a better starting point for my career.

Suffice to say, NCO was a great success. I got a chance to get to know some of the senior management and leave a positive impression (I hope.) Our team performed incredibly well, which was so awesome to see, considering we’d only met 72 hours ago. I really believe that the managers used our performance as a benchmark for the other teams. And may I just say, that when the first word a partner says about your presentation is “wow,” it makes all the sleep deprivation worth it. Ten times over.

In short, I am unbelievably, deliriously, deliciously happy and content with how life has turned out, especially after such a difficult summer. All that remains is for Christmas to be on its way, for my brother and all the ones I love to come home.

it gets better

BBC News informs me that the Writers Guild of America has been on strike. Evidently those authoring the life of one, Verity are not part of this guild. Every acne-ridden, angsty, self-obsessed teenager thinks their life is one unique drama. And far be it from me to fall back upon those days, but there are times that I have shook my head at events unfolding in my tiny cosmos and asked, “huh!?”

Those familiar with my very short and rather turbulent romance with V tend to agree that it’s something out of a valentine’s day special on HBO. Honestly, who actually meets their significant other standing under a clock tower at Grand Central? If that’s not the missing scene from Serendipity or when Harry met Sally, I don’t know what is. In a generation (myself included) that is growing increasingly cynical, true romance seems like a fairy tale. When was the last time you actually met someone who lived “happily ever after?” And then once in a blue moon, you meet someone who turns your whole world upside down, and things are never the same again.

It was entirely by accident that we met at all. And at most it was only ever going to be a passing relationship; one destined to be some story at a cocktail party or dinner down the road. But it’s been four years and that cocktail party’s never come. Four years and he still says I capture his imagination, and I still unconsciously hold my breath on the phone until he picks up. It’s like nothing has changed. We’ve gotten older, wiser, started careers. Instead of living one state over or even across the border, we’re now sixteen timezones apart. Sixteen. And still, nothing’s changed.

He thinks it’s because we’re actually the exact same person, living on different sides of the planet and in different genders. That it’s really a tear in the time-space continuum and the universe has just folded over on itself. And as for me, I don’t say anything at all. Because if I do, I will only be able to speak my greatest fear – that he really might be the closest thing to my other half, and it is impossible for us to be together.

The part that makes this so darkly ironic is the message I received a few days ago. He’s going to be here in a few weeks. Good God, what am I going to do?

GRAH

On any given day, the life of a analyst for a management consultancy is terribly interesting stuff. Your brain goes on hyper drive, switching from reading about different industries, conducting field interviews, and briefing your boss on multi-billion dollar industries and competitor strategies. I like that kind of stuff. It’s not the money, but the scale of movement that is so exciting. It’s the momentum of watching the world’s most populous country move from an agrarian society to the 21st century. It’s the idea that at 23 and being a mere slip of a girl, I’m somehow part of a bigger process, a little potato in a big sack of highly trained, problem-solving potatoes that tackle problems in economics, strategy and competitiveness.

And there are moments like these, where you’re stuck doing the mundane – calling local vendors for prices and finding that people are less than pleasant, and sometimes, plain moronic. Coming back to Asia is generally a great relief when it comes to dealing with people, compared to a bustling and often brass city such as New York. Customer service is emphasized much greater here, which all in all, makes being the client a far more pleasant experience. You also find that on the whole, people spend a lot less time angry (on both sides), pissed off, or generally grouchy. There isn’t any yelling on the streets (try bumping into a New Yorker during rush hour – you’ll be lucky if your head isn’t bitten off) whereas people just keep walking – no biggie, accidents happen. Shrug.  Keep walking.

Perhaps I’ve been spoiled by the standards of service. The last day and a half, I’ve had to resist the urge to reach through the phone line and strangle the vendor. Or at least give them a good, hard, shaking. It also doesn’t help that this current assignment leaves me in tears – it’s so far from what I’m interested in. I’m determined to adopt a positive attitude, especially since I’m new. Take one for the team has virtually become my motto on this project.

Still, I can feel the level of tension and frustration building up. Maybe it’s time for a walk before butting heads with more of these vendors.

skin

For a long time now, I’ve wrestled with the issue of being comfortable in my own skin, though this is the first time that I’ve ever tried to articulate the struggle. It’s not that I feel inherently awkward, socially inept or suffer from a poor self image. On the contrary, for perhaps the first time, I genuinely feel happy and confident about where I’ve been and where I’m going. My life is finally taking off after passing some major landmarks: graduating from college, living on my own, and my first job. But having left the safe, warm confines of a world surrounded by people of my own age, I’m realizing that to succeed in life, you need to reach a balance where you’re empowered and comfortable in your own skin.

I’ve been 23 for barely a month and a half, and already I’m realizing that while my 20′s are going to undoubtedly be one of the most exciting times of my life, it’s an unending struggle to find inner balance. I dearly loved my childhood – however tumultuous it was. It seemed this wonderful time in your life full of possibility and innocence. You’re not a threat to anyone, and everyone tells you that you are “the future.” Since graduation, I’ve officially hit this incredibly awkward stage where I’m finding that a lot of older men try to take out their mid-life crisis on you, and older women take out their insecurities on you. What happened to the time when men would feel shame about their perversions, especially when the girl is half their age? I don’t really get it – I’m still younger by nearly two decades. Still someone’s daughter and sister. So what’s changed? Is it because under the law, I can now give consent? And that by nature of having more rights, hence more of them can be infringed? Is it a fixed ratio that we’re allowed and like tax, the more we have the more they’re supposed to be allowed to take?

I know the world is not black and white, and that not every guy I meet is a jerk. A broken clock that is right at least twice a day,  and even a jerk is capable of gentlemanly behavior (and vice versa.) Please don’t misunderstand – this isn’t a man-bashing rant. It’s just a few bad apples spoil the barrel. But why is it that there seems to be so many bad apples? Or am I just sitting under the wrong tree.

As a believer in Christ, much of my identity is rooted in my faith. There is a great comfort in the notion that you are important and loved by an almighty creator, who is omnipotent as well as a lot of other “omni’s.” But it doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle against a lot of aspects of the Bible, especially since I don’t believe you can pick and choose what you like from the scriptures. It’s hard not to see Paul as a misogynist when he writes that women should be silent in churches, or in leadership positions (just spiritual? or secular?) Or feel frustrated that so much of being a woman is a limitation in life. Lower wages, shorter careers, disproportional number of single moms over single dads. There are certain trials unique to women, and perhaps it is my personal bias that I see them as so much more painful and soul-searing than the struggles unique to men. Violent rape, sexual victimization. The flesh trade. Do we ever wonder that prostitution is called the “oldest profession in history” and yet women historically have been barred from so many jobs, or are even allowed to work at all. If indeed, men were historically providers, then why in the world would prostitution be the oldest profession? (assuming as I am of course, that prostitutes were dominantly women in history.)

When thoughts like these cross my mind, as they do often enough – I feel so trapped in the shell of my skin. I wrestle with feeling that my youth and femininity is a liability for my ambitions, how ironic, when the media and culture say I should draw my confidence from these two attributes. I don’t want to be “old” per se, but I crave and admire the confidence and sense of self in older women. I despise vehemently the notion that I am perceived as a threat by virtue of being young and moderately attractive. And somehow, am unnerved by catcalls in a way that is probably unhealthy. So many women shine in the spotlight, and are able to thrive under admiration and dismiss unwanted attention so easily. Why can’t I do that?

It seems ridiculous of me to gripe about the “burden” of being young or being hit on. Especially when there are entire industries and billions of dollars being poured into “fixing” and dare I say, feeding the insecurities of being found wanting in these areas. Whole careers are built upon being young and pretty – those that do, their confidence mystifies me.

I’ve never wanted something as extreme as a sex change, but I do often wonder (with great frustration) why I was born female. I deeply empathize with Elizabeth I – “I may be a woman but if I choose, I have the heart of a man.” Or at least, to modify my case “the brain of a man.”

What I want more than anything else this year, is to come to a point where I’m comfortable in my own skin.  I’m happy with the moderate successes I have (though as always, still striving for more. It’s the very nature of the ambitious not to be easily satisfied.) Now I want to be able to deal with unwanted attention with confidence and dignity, and to write off unreasonable criticism when necessary as the product of another’s insecurities. I want to be able to celebrate the good parts of being a woman rather than seeing my entire gender as a liability, and in doing so, defy the fears and doubts that are keeping me feeling so caged.

a post from cubicle land

I’m still alive, I just haven’t been posting (at least not public ones.) It’s been quite a long hiatus, during which I contemplated deleting all vestiges of my internet presence. On one hand, though this blog is public, I’ve never made any efforts for it to be made known. There are… maybe three people that I know of who actually read this. My need to write has always been a selfish one – a means of clearing the thoughts in my mind, hopefully in some semblance of form and meaning. It’s never really been fueled by a need to be read, and hence is easily accomplished in a paper journal, which is infinitely more private and personal. The other issue is that I’m entering the first real phases of adulthood. There is a newfound desire to put aside childish things, and also that any information put on the internet is in some way, a liability. The idea of splashing up private thoughts and feelings (even with a few pseudonyms here and there) becomes more and more silly.

But I digress. For in spite of all my reservations, I’m clearly back here – if only for the time being. Maybe it’s because I just like the idea that somebody cares how I might be doing   (hey, we all have our delusions.)

The summer has come and gone, thankfully. It was quite literally the first time in seven years that I haven’t had to go from school right into an internship or summer job and the freedom was undeniably frustrating. Frustrating in the sense that I had no idea what to do with myself. I guess it’s really possible to have been a workaholic at sixteen. More than that, this past summer was filled with a lot of changes – some of them rather painful. There was the move from New York back to Jetsonville, leaving behind friends and loved ones. And though I’ve spent a significant amount of my childhood in this city, it feels incredibly strange to be back in this side of the world. For one, I’ve always lived here as part of a family, or was actively surrounded by a community of people my age – school, youth group, etc. I suppose the hardest part about being back here is though everything is familiar, I’m not part of a distinctive community of peers of my own age. On the personal front, there was the emptiness of being separated from someone you love, but know you shouldn’t be with, complicated relationships of the past that you’d much rather prefer to leave behind, and the ever intricate web of family feuds. A few weeks ago, I was confronted with a court application from my estranged father for the release of my sibling and my contact information (I found out today that it was denied) – but nonetheless, after thirteen years, I actually have my father’s phone number. It’s completely bizzare.

But for all the ups and downs compacted into a few months, it’s also been remarkably calm. Somehow in the eye of the storm, I found a renewed faith – partly in myself and ability to survive, but mostly in the sovereignty of a God that is able to carry me through these incredibly complicated (and inevitable) situations. This is, by no means, a blog on religion but personal experience.

The ride is far from over, but for now I do have a moment’s reprieve. By the beginning of fall, things started to turn around. I was offered  and accepted  a position with a leading management consultancy firm, and am now a business analyst based out of the Asia Pacific. The position is pretty much everything I could have ever hoped for. A great chance to learn, travel (nearly every week), and exposure to some of the world’s biggest boardrooms. Of course, I’m just a lowly analyst, a grunt in the trenches. But the dynamic nature of the industry, current economy, and the project-oriented nature is a perfect fit with my personality and ambitions. Being based out of Jetsonville means I’m also going to be sent regionally – even to Australia (or further!) rather than just primarily focused in China, as most analysts are. On the downside, I’m also more cut off from the flagship of the fleet and have to work all the more harder to be noticed and staffed on hot projects. I think the greatest challenge however, will be in my language ability. I can speak five languages (one of them incredibly poorly though) but I’ve never really been taught to read Chinese. As far as I know, I’m the only analyst with this liability. It doesn’t matter quite so much when you go higher up, but the bulk of research (= reading) is done by the grunts, which is going to hurt my usefulness and advancement quite considerably. Hence in light of this, I have roughly a month’s grace period to learn to read one of the most difficult languages on earth – good enough to read financial research and maybe even give presentations. Ouch.

And I thought the interviews were brutal enough.

The thing is, I’ve always been quick to learn languages. I moved to Italy barely being able to pronounce “arrividerci” and left speaking enough to sincerely freak an Italian person out. Maybe I can somehow magic my way into being able to read Chinese. Ha. right….

Students in mainland China have built a well-deserved reputation almost everywhere for being some of the hardest working and most determined people in the world. They live in libraries, get teased for their pocket protectors and digital dictionaries and don’t care. Even as I grew up in the West as full-blooded Chinese, my parents always told my sib and I to take a page out of their books and how we were the lucky ones. How incredibly strange that after all these years, I find the tables turned, and I’m on their turf playing their game with a handicap.  Growing up in Canada and in public education, it wasn’t very difficult to keep up or stay ahead of the curve, since I was completely immersed within the culture and had pretty much adopted it as my own. Having type-A Chinese parents who were a little on the sadistic side also didn’t hurt. They just pushed me to work harder and smarter than everyone else. But now, being in Asia.. the thought of working harder and smarter than the mainland students and analysts makes me question if it can even be done. It’s one thing to do this within the confines of a classroom – am I utterly insane thinking I can do this in a boardroom??

So. The road ahead at 23 looks bright but increasingly like an uphill climb. In some ways, my life is a heck of a lot more peaceful. I’m undeniably blessed to be able to live on my own in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Home is of course, a tiny studio, but it’s all mine, and I pay for it on my own. That feeling is utterly amazing. I’ve emerged from a rather difficult period of adjustment, and am slowly building around myself a circle of friends. I work out 3-4 times a week – taking up yoga and continuing to rock climb (I’d love to continue kung fu but it’s not a feasible reality at the moment.) I definitely eat healthier than I ever did in college (no meat, just sea food for the missing protein, and lots and lots of fruits and veggies.) All in all, it promises to be an incredibly exciting year. I’m anxious for the chance to travel, a little frightened of the challenges ahead of me, but more than anything else, I’m just plain excited to be alive.

“forgiven”

To be forgiven unprompted is a strange thing. Sometimes, it’s something that we really do need to be forgiven for, and then there are the times where being forgiven sets the wheels in your mind in motion.

I told you what happened not because I was looking for forgiveness or felt a need for confession, but because I know it affects you, and because I didn’t want to live a lie – whether explicitly or by omission. In fact telling the truth was something I gathered he didn’t want to happen. What happened between he and I was not something that I actively sought out, and while it was something I also could have prevented, it was not something that was my responsibility nor was it something that ought to have been expected as the minor in the relationship. I deeply regret what happened, but I acknowledge it out of a recognition of my own weaknesses and unrealistic expectation of him as a teenager. As for a betrayal, I can understand why you would see it that way. However, I understood your relationship merely as a friendship, something you all consistently affirmed. I think in a way, you expected me to understand the nature of a rather complicated relationship, which as an outsider, I wasn’t very privy to know.

That you sought his opinion first and then decided to forgive me surprised me in a way that I didn’t understand until much later. What I realized was I was hurt, for two reasons. Firstly, it means you heard his side of the story, and formed a judgment (good or bad) before hearing my side, and this pre-judgment not the forgiveness that hurts me. Secondly, you mentioned that you maintained this friendship out of concern for my spiritual well-being. Please don’t misunderstand, I am touched, but I do not want for you to be forced to maintain a charade on my behalf. I think God has a way of calling all of us home to Him, irrespective of circumstance.

The issue on responsibility, I address to no one besides God. There is an objective reality to what happened, and this knowledge is lost to man. We hold each other and ourselves responsible in varying degrees, but only God knows what measure and percentage it ought to be divided in, and only He has the mercy to relinquish punishment.

networking… and the big time

After graduation in May, I can safely say that I have had significant time to unwind. It’s been about six years since I’ve had a summer vacation (i.e. one in which I wasn’t rushing off to another internship, with roughly 3 days in between school.) Whether I’ve needed this much time off, is questionable. What cannot be denied however, is that it was the product of poor planning and a sprinkling of ijustdontcare.

This is, albeit, an unusual state of mind for an otherwise type-A personality. And it’s also thankfully winding down. Come Wednesday, I will be in what is hopefully, my last interview for the next few years. The job search is an active process, and I have to say that I’ve been far to passive for my own good, and that my friends and network have been kinder to me than I really deserve. On Wednesday, I have my final round interviews at a top management consulting firm. It is one of the oldest in one of the most sought-after employers in one of the most-sought after industries.

This whole thing came about because of a risk I took in my junior year, for a payoff most people would consider is not worth it. Last year, I worked for a major logistics company for the VP of Greater China. There was no denying that I was not particularly qualified for the position, had no prior training or frankly speaking, interest in the industry. In a time where I probably ought to have competed for an internship in the Fortune 500′s, vying for one of the countless placements as corporate slave #293478, I ran off to a position that was somewhat a dead-end.

It was a kind of zany experience.

I spent the summer in Jetsonville, with a short stint in Shanghai. I was exposed to the top-level senior management which turned a little precarious on two incidents – a) the CEO wandered into my office one day, and b) the president tried to set me up with his delinquent son. But on the whole, it was definitely not your run-of-the mill internships, and I left wondering whether it had been a good idea. It deviated from my original plans, I gained soft skills rather than hard ones, and it didn’t boost my end-game to join the financial services after graduation.

Fast forward a year later. I returned to Jetsonville and got in touch with my former boss. Because of church, my relationship with his daughter, and the internship, I had grown  close to his family. Throughout my ventures in the professional (and photographic) world, I he has been a great constant, and I like to keep him posted on my wanderings. It was he who put the idea of being a consultant into my head, explained the industry and ultimately, opened the door for me.

Which explains my interview next week.

A few weeks ago, I met up with my friend, Dave. Dave and I have been friends since high school, and he recently joined an IT consulting firm. I respect Dave for a number of reasons, but one of the things I particularly appreciate about him is that he’s constantly sharing new ideas with me. This time, the topic ventured onto the subject of networking. I hadn’t really ever given networking much thought. Because of my relationship with my parents and early exposure to church, I’d pretty much grown up surrounded by a natural network. Mentors played a huge role in my development throughout my teens – and was one of the biggest factors that kept me sane. I thought of myself a natural at networking. For my age, anyway.

Dave recommended “Never Eat Alone” a book he had been reading, which I just finished. I picked it up as part of my whole, “what do I want to do for the next two years” self-analysis phase. To sum up, it contains best practices for building relationships in your professional life, but also relationships in general. I found a lot of what the author wrote pretty intuitive. The truth is, majority of it was just common sense, articulately pointed out. It resonated with a lot of my past experiences and practices that I know to be successful.

I think what I really got from this book was to be purposeful with all my relationships. Purposeful meaning with intent and sincerity, not manipulative and with an end-goal that is. At the heart of successful networking, is successful relationships. Which really boils down to treating people well, and staying in touch. The proverbial “everything I needed to know, I learned in kindergarten” is really true. Do unto others. Talk less and listen more. Don’t gossip. Share. Basic stuff, really.

Ironically, this time away from work has really taught me a lot about working and professionalism. I am much more purposeful with my job search and career objectives. I have a much better sense of what I want out of my life, and the strive for excellence.

When facing the major forks in the road, I’ve always maintained that all I want is a shot at the big time. It was true for college (both getting in and staying in), and even more so in respects to work. I’ve interviewed at a few places, received offers, etc. But this is the first time where in my gut, I know is a good fit and this is a place I would be happy working at. (Granted, the average is nearly 80 hours a week.. but you’ve gotta face the grind sometime or another.) The firm’s corporate culture values excellence, down-to-earth-ism, and mentorship. It doesn’t really get much better than that.

Oddly enough, in facing my shot at the big time, I’m not nearly as nervous as I thought I would be. Maybe because I inherently have a gut feeling – and that feeling has had a pretty good record. Or maybe it’s because I know after all this reflection and time, I am finally prepared. I am calm, well-researched and at last, am equipped for the challenge.

I realize that there’s quite a lot riding on this opportunity. If it doesn’t come through, it’s not the end of the world. But here’s hoping that it does, and more importantly, that it turns out truly to be the dream I hope it to be.